Reparenting the Self: The Dance Between Memory and Becoming

Following on from my last two blogs and podcast episodes, I’ve been left lingering with a question I know many of us ask:

"But what do I do now?"

I’m an adult. I can’t go back and change my childhood.
I am, in many ways, the product of my upbringing — of what was modelled, allowed, celebrated, or shut down.

And while that may be true…
you can parent yourself now.

What I mean by that is:
All those moments that were confusing, overwhelming, silenced — where you didn’t understand, where you hid, defended, ran, or froze — they didn’t just disappear.

They live inside you.
Undigested.
Frozen in time.

Not to haunt you, but to be actualised.
To be completed.

There is a kind of quiet magic that happens when a person feels truly safe and supported.
When a space is created for them to be and do exactly what is living in the deeper subconscious and unconscious layers of the body.

The words that were never spoken.
The actions that were shut down.
The emotions that were never safe to feel.
They all come forward — and you get to realise yourself in a way that was never possible before.

It’s never too late.
We only believe it is.

To begin, we need to find trust.
Trust in someone to hold us while we re-enter the places we once had to leave.
To witness us as we turn back toward the funnel of our history — and gently begin to face it.

And eventually, we begin to hold ourselves.
That’s the dance.

A sacred movement between turning inward and surrendering.
Between letting rise what needs to rise, and staying present enough to feel it — not just the thoughts or memories, but the whole experience:
the trembling, the twitching, the shaking, the unraveling of what once had to be held in.

While the body expresses,
the mind becomes the witness.

This is the way the nervous system speaks.
This is the language of truth.

Because contrary to what we’ve been taught, our nervous systems do know how to process emotion — even fear.
It’s the mind that interrupts.
It’s the story, the analysis, the meaning we attach, that holds the emotion in place and often makes it feel bigger than it is.

But underneath all of that is pure energy in motion —
And that energy knows exactly where to go.
It knows how to transform.

It’s teaching us something we forgot along the way:
That to realise ourselves — to become — we must allow ourselves to feel what never had a place to be felt.

And on the other side of that?

We find not just healing,
but homecoming.
A return.
To the self that never left — only waited.

Go to Under the Silence — my podcast

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