Dropping into emotions that have been rationalised or buried in the past

Author: Bianca Moeschinger - 11th November 2023

We all have a level of awareness around our emotions, some people more than others. Our first experience of emotions is when we are a child, they come out of us before we even know what is happening. Our tissue is soft, vulnerable and flexible, there is not much to contain our natural feelings and expression.

The reaction to that expression initially from others is what starts to frame us, we learn very quickly what is accepted and what is not. We also learn which emotions give us more attention or care and which emotions create a boundary or inflame a situation.

We start to work with this emotional power dynamic and shape ourself to feel safe and accepted in the world, whilst gaining what we need and want.

As we get older these emotional mechanism's become second nature, we don't question how we process them until we are triggered and the emotions come to the surface and can be uncontrollable and uncomfortable. 

This is when the past starts to show itself to us.

Our entire past forms part of us. Everything that we have ever felt is in our consciousness.  Are you one of many that has developed a very clever mind that rationalises most situations? What this means is that a reaction happens, we feel a certain way and then think or rationalise ourself out of that feeling.

This is called 'emotional maturity' and is seen as a gift or talent in society, due to the fact that you are a 'model citizen' that is stable and a 'good person'.  The side effect of emotional maturity is invalidating the feeling. When we continuously invalidate the feeling, the inner child or centre of our being gets ignored and the rational mind takes over.  This can lead to a very angry or sad inner child that's life force is being choked, controlled and unexpressed, it is unable to reach its fullest potential.

Rebuilding the relationship with your 'inner child'  i.e. subtle feelings and sensations, takes time.  Ideally we would like to have a balanced relationship between our mind and body, but this is not always the case, especially in a world that has been dominated by a thinking and mentalised perspective of life as a human.

Building the muscle to drop into ones heart to make a connection and feel into what our internal landscape is feeling, takes time, commitment and courage.  It means taking on a journey to the present moment and catching the information in the sensations of the here and now.  Those sensations will be full of the past history and once we open up and start to face them, they run deep.

Whilst we are doing that, we are going to capture some emotions that we perhaps do not want to feel, this will automatically trigger the rational mind to judge the feeling and take action to over react, bury, protect or rationalise more.  The avenue through these emotions is trust, validation and acceptance, knowing that underneath these feelings is peace.

If we look at the emotions simply as a mind body conflict made from invalidation and internal bypassing, then we realise that by simply feeling and validating we are moving towards acceptance, which brings peace.

The body is innocent and vulnerable, its primary job is survival and balance, its communication to you is merely showing you the truth of what it is feeling.  Emotions like anger, shame, guilt, fear embarrassment and judgement are the ones that we try to avoid and rationalise.  They are the very ones we need to feel, face and allow to surface.

The gift of having a strong, intelligent and brilliant mind is that we can use the mind as a stable witness which will always keep us conscious of what we are doing.  If we have not developed a strong and stable mind, we will need a therapist to support us through this process as our intelligent anchor.  This person is stable and reminds us that we are safe, they will also anchor us back into conscious awareness as we go through the layers of emotions we have not been able to handle in the past.

This will lead to regulation, integration, peace and stability.