Healing into Wholeness

 Author: Gillian Maddigan - 17th April 2023

Healing into wholeness happens from the inside out and starts with recognition that something is broken and weakened.

Then the cycle of repair starts with the discomfort with change, commitment and healthy repetition, which brings renewal.

Not the same as before but stronger and different.

This has been my personal journey over the last 5 years with a back and knee injury that made me realise how deeply some of my unhealed issues were buried into the bone and muscle, not only in my mind. 

Going deep into why these breaks in flow and ability were manifesting at the time and how many conscious practical physical changes I needed to make. I had to ask for help out loud because others couldn't see I needed help as I was the one helping others. Going within to recognise and understand how I had weakened my ability to stand for myself and relied on comfortable discomfort. 

I found it hard to explain pain on the pain scale to the doctor and physios because I didn't like pain and had relabelled it as discomfort. And was hard-pressed to use words that expressed pain which made it difficult to others to understand as the word discomfort is not as strong as pain to most people's understanding. 

Working with myself Psychosomatically, with great physios and pilates, brought me back to a good relationship with pain and discomfort and the value it has in making change happen. I changed my gait and the way I weight bear, and can feel my own strength in my stance and notice when I go back to old patterns and habits, generally when I was tired. The recognition is fast and easy to implement as a healthy way of being. 

The physical and mental patterning of the new awareness, stance, gait and abilities has created a space for new emotional experiences and connections. Twelve months ago, I was on the crest of the healing process, but my body and what I wanted/needed still more renewal. I could have caved, but I had experience on board and knew how to engage and commit.

COVID, vertigo and hypertension all in a month came out of the blue and knocked me over in another way, working on my flow again but not in my structure but in my ability to regulate my lifeforce-blood. This was a rollercoaster ride of taking my blood pressure and medication tracking and investigating until it came back down and regular.

My body was reflecting what was happening with my path and my indecisiveness, I was all over the place. My work, art, family position, and my place in the community. Then in October, I broke myself again on an adventure, mountain biking on a national park trail.

My mind remembered the skill it needed, which I learned on motorbikes in the bush, but my muscles and response time were not on point, as they hadn't been used in 35 years! I fractured my right fibula. But I knew what to do to work with the healing and deal with the issue.

In psychosomatics-the right leg is stepping out into the world with strength and confidence(sacral-creative expression) - the break was low down, near the ankle(solar plexus-identity). This area forms in your early walking years, so I could pinpoint a time - six-seven years old and some of the unhealed 'stuff' from that time kept coming up. The fracture healed fast, and surprise, the specialist still working on strengthening the proprioception as I myself am still learning to step out with new confidence.

With the support of Bianca Moeschinger, we are bolding, putting ourselves out there with Psychosomatics & Emotional Anatomy Training Online. This is renewing and trusting the flow and my ability to flex with more ease these days from my experiences.

But if I ignored the broken part, it would heal over, and I would probably break it again. The trauma, trapped still broken, weakened and active beneath the ‘healed’ surface. Still triggered, and with each triggered experience, it would grow and intensify until it erupts and breaks through to be recognised and healed once again.

Ignore it; the cycle starts again. It gets buried deeper under more desensitised layers still festering and available for triggering, but it takes longer as it is deeper. Until one day, a trigger goes so deep in the tissue of protection it creates a channel for a new eruption.

Many live in this cycle of trauma due to not having personal experience for healing themselves or support or the tools or struggle to ask for help. You are not alone. Many have healed before around you.

Your experience is unique, and there is support and skills you can gain or get assistance from a professional to train and guide you.

Being broken is an opportunity for serious change. If you want something different, seek something new.

Choose to be well whenever you can in the moment.